Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
