you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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