I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
