she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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