Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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