I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
