Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
