I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
