I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
