o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
