I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
