So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
