Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
