First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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