What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize