whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize