well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
