you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
