it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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