just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
