Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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