only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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