Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
