I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm jealous of your bromance
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
