he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i've created a new STD.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize