he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
