Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
