All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
