come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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