I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my being single is dangerous.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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