i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
