You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
