you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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