Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
