I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
