your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
