Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
