I must be too annoying 4 u.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize