Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
