Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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