The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
