Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
