Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
