Can Purell be used as lube?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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