It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize