Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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