i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
