The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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