i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
