So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
