I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
