there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
