I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
