Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
