Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
