used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
