I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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