She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We had to coat check the pizza.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
