sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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