Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
