I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
