I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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