who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
