That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
