Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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