I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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