I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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