dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
