Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize