Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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