I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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