My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
